Tuesday, January 7, 2014

A Dependent New Year.

Someone recently asked me if I have a "dependent personality."  At the time, it was in reference to the fact that I have been in three long-term relationships back-to-back.  It really struck a chord with me because I think it was true in part.

However, over the last year and a half while I was dating Russ, I was forced to become more independent.  As we grew apart and he questioned me, I forged out on my own.  I moved to SF where I knew almost no one, I started a new job in a field where I knew nothing, I made new friends, I started this blog, I took up tennis, I put myself out there and I really became independent in a way that I never had before.

When we broke up, it was really important to me to make the most of this time; to be on my own and be independent.  At points, being alone has been really hard, but I have also learned to be happy with myself.  I can honestly say that I like having a partner and I want one again, but I don't need one.

2014 is going to be the year of me....not in a selfish way, but in a way that I celebrate who I am.  I know who I am, what I want and what I believe.  In the past, I have shied away from sharing that openly and exposing too much of myself.  In 2014, I am not going to put away who I am.

I rang in the new year with some of my best friends.  My birthday is in January. After my birthday, I am going to Peru on my first ever solo trip.  These are all new beginnings, fresh starts for me.  This trip to Peru is the culmination of everything I have learned in the last two years of struggle and hurt.  It is the culmination of me being dependent. Yes, that's right, I said dependent.

I am dependent on my family and on my true friends.  I am dependent on myself and what I know.  Most importantly I am dependent on God and His will for my life.  I am not afraid to admit that I am a dependent person.  In fact, I am proud to say that I have people and a God that I trust so deeply. So in 2014, I give my life to God and I know in His hands, I will thrive.  Here is to a new beginning!


Cara said...

Great post! So true. I think most girls (and people, for that matter) are dependent. Its just human nature. It doesn't have to mean being dependent on a man or a spouse. Good for you! Hope you're having a great week and I'll see you guys next week! We still need to plan dinner :) xoxo

Courtney B said...

I think you are AMAZING! Look at how much you have done, what you have accomplished, and the plans you have for your future. Seriously, I look up to you!
Being dependent isn't a bad thing. You can still be YOU while being dependent on others :)

Ana said...

Cheers to a new beginning! xo

Nicole Marie said...

so proud of you. i think being single at this point in our life is so different, challenging but also a time of serious personal growth. it's not the same as being single when you're younger. My favorite quote is "good love with find you. but if you keep looking for it, it will only keep you waiting. so until then, live well, live happy, live free." and that's basically my motto for my single life :)