Wednesday, December 4, 2013

daring greatly

I am reading Daring Greatly.  I am so very moved by this concept.  The book talks about being vulnerable, how we crave connection and the battle we face to be enough.  We have to dare to be vulnerable, be courageous and strive to believe that we are enough.  One line that has stuck with me is "You have to believe you are enough to say 'Enough!'"

The thing that I have been avoiding saying is that Russ and I have broken up. Nothing terrible happened.  I still love him very much.  The timing just isn't right. God has a different plan for us.  It has taken me over a year to accept this possibility and now months apart to resign myself to God's will, but I'm finally saying "enough."

I have put off sharing this because I was scared.  Because I also know that once I put it out here, it would be real.  There are people who will judge me for posting this on the internet and that is ok. There is no weakness in vulnerability.  If one person reads this and feels a connection with me, then it was worth it and more than that, I feel like I can live more freely if I am honest with the world and myself.

I know that break ups happen regularly and frankly my life could be much worse, but that doesn't make the pain of loss any less raw.  I am afraid to start over with someone else.  I am afraid I will never find someone who loves me the way I seek to be loved.  There are times when I want to share things with someone else, but I am having to learn that feeling joy and pride for myself is enough.  I am learning (slowly!) that I am enough.

In the meantime, I have been taking inspiration from Dr. Seuss!

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4 comments:

SK said...

So proud of you. You are such an amazing, beautiful person and there is much greatness ahead! Love ya!

Cara said...

I am so proud of you too! I know how hard it has been and still is, but you are strong and you will get through this and look back and be able to call this one of those things in life that shaped who you are and paved the path for the love you are looking for and deserve. I'm sure it feels a little better to get it out there... kind of a weight off your chest. Keep on trucking and stay strong and have a glass of wine :) See you this weekend! xoxo

Katie Cook said...

Girl, you are so brave! I am so so sorry about your break-up with Russ. I will be praying for your heart in this time. I know the Lord has GOOD plans for you, it is so encouraging to see your faith in all of this:) Many many blessings sweet lady! Love you! xxooo Katie

Erica said...

sorry you are going through a difficult time but you are amazing and so strong!