Thursday, December 26, 2013


Right now I am at home in LA, basking in the 77 degree weather and wondering why I ever left this warm warm place!!!  I took the whole week off work and I have a few more days left before I head back to SF.  Ill post about my week at home when I am back in SF freezing my buns off!

I started celebrating Christmas in SF before I left.  SF is super festive and everyone gets into the spirit which is so nice.  

At the mall, they play scenes from Nutcracker on the ceiling every 30 minutes!

While baking cookies, my friend and I watched the Niners beat Seattle!!

Yes this is made of gingerbread!!

Gingerbread DOG house!!

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

so much more than a tree....

I really like the tradition of getting real Christmas trees.  When I first moved out own my own in Santa Monica, Russ helped me get a tree.  We had so much fun picking it out and decorating it together.  We kept the tradition going each year.

Last year, he wasn't too into it and I more or less forced him to go because I didn't think I could get one alone.

I really wanted a tree this year, but now that I am single, I thought "I can't get a tree, I will never be able to carry it up 3 flights of stairs into my apartment.  I can never do this alone."  Then I got sad and frankly, a little mad.  If I want a tree, I should be able to get a damn tree (pardon the swearing)!

SO last Monday, all fired up, I went to the tree lot.  I wandered around, not looking at the shape and fullness of the tree, but instead, picking them up to see how heavy they were.  The guy that worked there clearly thought I was nuts, but hey, a single girls gotta do what a single girls gotta do.

Needless to say, I found a tree that I thought I might be able to carry up the stairs.  I bought it and I figured worst case, if I can't, I can leave it in my car until someone could help me.

I was able to get it up the stairs by myself (with only a few side eyes from my neighbors) and the sense of satisfaction I feel now every time I look at that silly tree is something I cannot explain.  This year, it is so much more than a tree.

Stockings hung by the dog bed with care

My pride and joy

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

daring greatly

I am reading Daring Greatly.  I am so very moved by this concept.  The book talks about being vulnerable, how we crave connection and the battle we face to be enough.  We have to dare to be vulnerable, be courageous and strive to believe that we are enough.  One line that has stuck with me is "You have to believe you are enough to say 'Enough!'"

The thing that I have been avoiding saying is that Russ and I have broken up. Nothing terrible happened.  I still love him very much.  The timing just isn't right. God has a different plan for us.  It has taken me over a year to accept this possibility and now months apart to resign myself to God's will, but I'm finally saying "enough."

I have put off sharing this because I was scared.  Because I also know that once I put it out here, it would be real.  There are people who will judge me for posting this on the internet and that is ok. There is no weakness in vulnerability.  If one person reads this and feels a connection with me, then it was worth it and more than that, I feel like I can live more freely if I am honest with the world and myself.

I know that break ups happen regularly and frankly my life could be much worse, but that doesn't make the pain of loss any less raw.  I am afraid to start over with someone else.  I am afraid I will never find someone who loves me the way I seek to be loved.  There are times when I want to share things with someone else, but I am having to learn that feeling joy and pride for myself is enough.  I am learning (slowly!) that I am enough.

In the meantime, I have been taking inspiration from Dr. Seuss!


Monday, December 2, 2013

Thanksgiving Recap

I went to Phoenix to visit my mom for Thanksgiving.  I had to work Wednesday so my brother and I flew out Thursday morning.   My mom and I spent Thursday baking and we celebrated with our family on Friday.

Unfortunately my mom dropped our cake.  Fortunately we made a new one and it was delicious!!

We played a lot of games, including Taboo and Heads Up.
My mom playing Heads Up

Our masterpiece turkey

My mom and brother 

Me and my Aunt Gigi

Father and son Taboo game

We may have introduced little Tucker to whipped cream and he may have liked it!

I had a great time in AZ and sure felt the love!!